I’m back from a wonderful prayer meeting. From 7.30pm - 9.10pm. It was awesome ! :D As i prayed, just now, ivan was secretly beside me, joining me, vanessa & pris tan in the prayer. All of us felt a breakthrough (:

I feel myself loving people even more.. I was once a self-centered, seek attention girl, as i feel no love at home. Because, at times, i will be left alone at home with my bro, my dad & mum will be out working. As a case, I closed up my heart to share with them things. But, things took a turn, as i grow, I no longer seek attention, because i knew someone who will be there for me to stand by me & Love me (:

Today.. I went home alone. This past few weeks i found out something.. True friendships will never be in secondary school. I often go home alone by myself.. as i looked around, even the one that i hope to be closer to, was going home with their friends.. I wasn’t feeling that comfortable, who wants to go home alone? I don’t feel genuine friendships in school, all i feel was, i’m just a post-stick. When people need things, they call yijing, if they do not need me, they just leave me alone. If that was what friendship is to you, i would rather be a friend of noone else. I chose to be a friend to there with all i can. For this past few months, i feel we are departing. Our friendships wasn’t that strong.

I wondered at times.. What am i to them? If they feel they can abandon me like an unwanted child, go ahead. I wouldn’t care much more.. I feel so frustrated, when i always go home alone. Why not you all try going home alone, while i go with one bunch of cliques? Get that feeling ? I don’t think so.. They always have people to followed with. But i felt me & julia was the most left out among the group. I promised, i wouldn’t want to join ur clique anymore..

I’m tired. I hate to be leave alone.. Seriously. I feel like i have to shape myself to fit in their group, but we are out of words to say to each other. If i really go Sec 5, I don’t think i will be close to them again.. I will just see the history happening again. If i go polytechnic, maybe the only one i will contact, is the one that have always been close to me, supported me, like meng hwee? Julia?, I feel so lonely suddenly. I so hope that church was my school..

Actually, the one i called friends, are destined not my friends at all :(